Using the methods described in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr.Marc Weissbluth
I am taking a week-long break from Power Showering to bring you a day by day account of our sleep training journey that we are embarking on with our precious yet very difficult second born. Oh Stella Ann, how we love and adore you, but it has been nearly ten months of very broken sleep and we are soooo tired. You are too, and as I have read more and more about this I have come to realize that you too, need some serious sleep.
It is 3:34 a.m. I am propped on the rail of Stella's crib, holding a bottle as she fights me with her arms and tries to sit up with her incredibly strong abs of steel. I am too tired to cry and she is too tired not to. I insert her binky into her mouth, cover her up in a light swaddle, and leave the room.
It is now 4:17 a.m. Stella has been asleep off and on for the last 45 min. I have given up sleep for the night and stagger back into her room. I fight all maternal instinct to pick her up and rock her to sleep, knowing that the last 9 months of doing this have not done any of us any favors. I listen to her acid reflux cry for a few minutes and I cannot stand it anymore. I wrap her up, collapse onto the rocking chair in her room, and feed her some more from her bottle. She drinks it for all of a minute and a half and is out again in my arms. I say a prayer, " Dear God, I know there is something we are not doing or something we are missing with her. I pray that you ignite the creative process in the form of sleep curing. I pray that you be with Stella's doctor on Monday and that he listen when I say that I know there is something wrong, something beyond the acid reflux."
I stand to pour sleepy Stella into her crib and the light comes on- not the light in her room, but the dim light in my brain that has nearly burned out due to sleep deprivation.
When I was pregnant with Lily, my sister had given me the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I didn't need it with Lily so I put it on the shelf. I stroll over to Stella's bookshelf in the dark, reach up and grab the first book I touch. There it is, immediate gratification from the Lord!!! I spend the rest of the early morning reading excerpts from the book. Low and behold, I think we have had the answer all along!
This trip is going to require some crying on all of our parts, but the temporary discomfort of mommy guilt and Stella's labored cries will pay off when we have all remembered what 8 hours of consistent sleep can do for our waking life.
It is Sunday afternoon, Stella took a nap this morning from 10 a.m. - 10:50 a.m. At church this morning a dozen or so people commented on how tired she looked. We arrived home, fed her, and put her down for her afternoon nap. She won't sleep again until bedtime at 7:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
I think she will be ever grateful that her paranoid mother isn't in every few minutes poking her in the chest to ensure her breathing and startle reflexes are in tip-top shape. Poor poor baby girl. Pray for her. And don't call CPS if you hear screaming from across town. Thank you!
Monday Morning July 11, 2011: Worst Mom EVER!!!
It is Monday morning, Stella is down for her first nap of the day. I spent Sunday evening rewriting the Stauffer Schedule, realizing that since Meemee's Daycare has closed, we really haven't had much of a schedule at all. We were able to stick to it too, which is pretty amazing. We had dinner, the girls had baths and were in bed by 8:30 p.m. This was a small but meaningful milestone. Pete and I were able to talk for a while, but were really too exhausted to care. We went to bed at 10:40 p.m. The minute we crossed the creeky floorboard between our room and our sleeping giants, we knew we were in for yet another long and trying evening. We have chosen the "extinction method" as it is the worst and the quickest method in sleep training. Stella cried and we tried to distract ourselves with mindless chatter which quickly turned to feverish talks of what compromising position Stella had gotten herself into. I blamed myself for the situation we are now in. Wasn't it me that insisted she sleep in our room for the first 7 months of her life, just so I could lay my hand on her chest to verify breathing at all hours of the night and day? Wasn't it me that had always rushed into her room at the slightest sound of distress? I cried, she cried, I cried some more, she cried some more. At 11:15 p.m. the crying seemed more of a whimper, by 11:25 p.m. it was funny. She would rest then yell at us from her room. I am sure we have guaranteed abandonement issues and will be saving all of our Thirty-One Gifts money to pay for therapy. She was finally asleep at 11:50 p.m., Pete was asleep at 11:34 p.m. I was up at 2:00 a.m. Who has really been sleep-trained?
I did feed her around 5:00 a.m. It didn't seem harmful, I didn't get her out of bed. She went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until EXACTLY 8:00 a.m. Right on schedule!
Monday Night/Tuesday Morning July 11/12, 2011
What is going on between 2 and 4 a.m.???
Naps were on schedule yesterday with a minor hiccup due to a pre-sleep training scheduled Dr. appointment. Girls napping by 3:30, in bed by 8:30 p.m. We seem to be on a roll, then we go to bed around 10:40 p.m. falling asleep by 11:00 p.m. ~ Stella crying....we wait....and wait.....tooo tired to move and that helps me from running to check on her situation. She falls asleep after maybe 20 minutes of crying. I think its working! I am up again to the sound of yelling from her room at 2:00 a.m. I let her cry, then go in to move her back to sleeping position. I tell her I love her and that it is bedtime. I go back to bed. 10 minutes later the bathroom light switches on. Its Lily, I get up for no other reason than I am not sleeping and I want to say Hi (bad mommy) I put her to bed, I stop by Stella's room to peek in (bad mommy) she is awake....my fault. I cover her up and she falls asleep. I toss and turn and worry about momworries (money, kids, work, busy, stress, etc) She is up again at 4 with a hunger cry, I feed her a breakfast in bed. I go back to sleep and we all sleep..... until 10 a.m.~~~ That is NOT the plan!!!! Whoops!! What is happening between 2 and 4 a.m.? That is all on me and has nothing to do with the girls. It is that mombrain with everything in the world swimming around while you should be resting so you can actually do something about all of your worries and fears. Probably hormonal! If Pete seems a bit absent from this rep of sleep training it is because he removed himself and went to the couch for some peaceful rest. Good for you, honey, good for you.
Tuesday morning and Stella is napping her first nap of the day. Onward!
Tuesday Night: July 12, 2011
Its not the baby
Had a Thirty-One party last night and it was a blast! Got home to sleeping babes~all of them. What a precious moment to do all of those things that I don't have time to do. Lily wanders down the hall in a dreamlike haze, then Stella cries. I attempt to read a few pages and ignore the crying. I give in, I go to her to move her back to sleeping. Lily is awake again, clearly wanting some time to chat with Mom. I guess it is a good thing that after all of our power struggles, we still want to hang out with each other at midnight! Both girls asleep,I attempt to fall asleep as well. Stella is up again, then again. She is hungry, I feed her without picking her up. She is asleep, I think I fall asleep at some point. Everyone awake at 7:30 a.m. Crying jags are much shorter each night, sleep-training seems to be working. My babies have sleep-trained me to not sleep at all. It is not the baby that needs a rigid program, it is the mom. Longest week EVER! Thought it was Friday when I woke up.
Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning July 13/14, 2011:
PROGRESS!!!!
I couldn't be more excited to share this news, even if it was one night only! Our sweet Stellabella was in bed by 8:15 p.m. last night, one-up at 1:40 p.m., decided she might be hungry (still haven't cured the night-feeding ritual, but we will take what we can get!) fed her a bottle in her bed. Wrapped her up and she slept until 6:oo a.m. drank a bit more, went right back to sleep until 10:00 a.m.!!!! We all slept in this case and we all feel better! This could very well be a fluke, and the next few nights will tell. This baby seems more sleepy and more willing to sleep. Remember: Sleep begets sleep. I remember doubting this with Lily, then again with Stella, but it is true. I would like to clear up the extinction method we are using, for it is not the tried and true method of full blown extinction described in the book. I will check on her if her cry is telling me something is wrong, as was the case this morning at 6:00 a.m. she needed a diaper change in a bad way! My mommysense of cry interpretation has been heightened. I believe the real change came when we decided to change our nightime schedule. One night of lots of crying + a few nights of light crying + check and console but NO REMOVAL OF BABY FROM CRIB + sound machine set to Ocean = a more content Stella B and a rested mommy. The change began with the committment to change as is the case with all change. Sometimes you have to believe that it can't get worse before you decide to make it better. Now its time to attend to all that has fallen through the sleep deprived cracks (laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, work, etc.)!!
Thursday/Friday/Saturday Morning: July 14,15,and 16, 2011
Happy, Hungry, and Sooo Tired!
Lost my momentum yesterday due to the irrational sleep pattern of my first born. Stella woke up crying after falling asleep at 8:15 p.m. on Thursday night. It was around midnight and I was the only one awake. I think she knew that, she cried for a few minutes and fell back asleep. I wanted to run in to see her, to check on her, to see if she would smile or yell at me. I didn't. She slept until 6:00 a.m. I gave her a bottle and she dozed off again until 8:30 a.m. BECAUSE.....Big Sister was up at 6:30 a.m. and loud and busy. I did all I could to get her to sleep just a little bit longer to no avail. Our schedule was shot before I even crawled out of bed. Naps were delayed by 2 hours at least. Lily came out of her room at 1:43 p.m. after her 1:00 p.m. nap. She proudly announced that "I don't need to sleep everymore!!" I know she didn't sleep at all. The day seemed somewhat out of control and I am not a fan of that. It just figures that once I feel that I can exert some control and order to our days ~ there is a variable that I don't figure into my plans and that is Lily Mae! She is the wildcard. Bedtime couldn't come soon enough! Both girls were down at 8:00 p.m. Stella whined a little from 10:50 - 10:59 p.m. No agonizing crying, no screaming so loud that she is hoarse, just some sad sounds for a short time ~ Then she slept until 5:00 a.m.!!! That is 9 hours! That is also a record for all involved in this glorious week of sleep training. I gave her a bottle and she is still sleeping now at 6:45 a.m. on Saturday morning! I have to say...This is working, it is really really working!!!
I will begin sleep training myself next week. There is no reason for me to be awake right now, but it is quiet and I can process a full thought and that is worth whatever sleep I may be losing right now!
Three weeks in: SUCCESS!!!! So rested that I am no longer crazy and Stella has progressed in her development at an alarming rate and she may walk in a few days!!!
