Show me your Faith!!

In an effort to get back to the purpose of this blog I am going to complete chapter 3 of Power Thoughts. Finally!

How can you demonstrate faith instead of fear?
Suspend disbelief. On my quest to positive thinking I have been amazed at the Lord's ability to make something from nothing. Months ago, I fell prey to some pretty serious post-partum depression. I have decided to embrace this diagnosis as I learned it is real and it happens...to the best of us.
Denial was large part of my problem. I didn't want to be the one with the issue. I didn't want to take medication to deal with life's naturally occuring hormonal imbalance after childbirth. I wanted to put on my armor of stress and worry and battle through the war in my head. It began to affect my body as well and I became concerned that there was more to worry and anxiety that I was experiencing. I read website after website trying to diagnose myself. I realized that I could answer yes to most of the symptoms that post-partum sufferers experience. Numbness? What does that mean? I felt like someone had shot novacaine into my veins and I couldn't feel myself. Really. Like when you go to the dentist for some serious work and they numb you. Then you leave and for the next several hours you pinch your cheeks trying to feel something, anything. That is how I felt for days on end. Every scenario that I played out in my head led to someone's death.
I had filled my plate with too many tasks and it was crumbling. I was empty and had nothing. With God's help I was able to see that I needed to rebuild my life. Months later, I am amazed at the changes that have occurred in our life since that dark time. I have to talk. I have to share. I have to write it out and get it out. I have to ask for help when I need it. If I don't ask, I cannot expect anyone to know what I need. It is okay to take care of yourself and to admit when you can't do EVERYTHING. We try so hard to accomplish a year's worth of work in a day. We drive and drive and drive ourselves crazy! This is lunacy!
On my way home from work yesterday I was (reluctantly) listening to a country station as there were only commercials on every other station (so thank you Boise for buying airtime!) I heard a song that I believe is called "Remind Me" by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood. In it, they sing about reminding each other of the love they once shared. The passion of the beginning of the relationship. It made me think about our life as of late and how it seems to have started out chaotic from the moment the wheels of the plane hit the tarmack in Boise. The plane vomitted us out into work, kids, laundry,stress,cleaning,and more work. I am grateful for our life and know that if it wasn't for the love that Pete and I shared in the beginning, we wouldn't have these things. Honestly though, it doesn't seem that we have had even a moment to have a conversation since we left for vacation. That is the downside to being a piece in this well oiled machine we call our life. If we let too much time pass, suddenly it will have been years and we will have to remind each other about the love that got us here in the first place. Let us all be conscious of working for the life and the love that we want and need. Suspend your disbelief and know that God wants a positive life for us all. Even more than we do. Once we let God truly take control, we get to sit back and watch what happens.

Best....Summer....EVER!

We arrived home from our 11 day Wisconsin Extravaganza feeling refreshed, relaxed, and inspired! 2011 had begun as a year of growth and renewal due to our welcome home flood that we received from the Lord in January. I am continually surprised at the twists and turns this year has taken and never moreso than in these last few weeks. Perhaps it was the massage that I treated myself to before our journey began, or that the girls were especially wonderful on all of our flights. It could have been the knowledge that we were far away from the chaos of our lives and had everything we needed packed neatly into 4 suitcases. Whatever the case, we all seemed to sleep a little better.
I planned to write more while we were vacationing as I was inspired hourly by the pleasant souls I had the pleasure of sharing some time with. I want to address several topics such as asking for help, what LOVE really is, and calm. I need to discuss Stellabella on the plane. I need to write about my expanding career with Thrity-One and I need to finish Power Thoughts for goodness sake!!! That was the whole point of this blog in the first place. The trial was to see if the book could actually work and apparently it has worked all to well as I am too busy to read, too pleased with life to think negatively about it. What has happened over the last several weeks? What is in that dairy air in Wisconsin? And will this vacation elation last into the fall and heaven forbid the much dreaded winter?
I was asked if I could update this blog more frequently and the answer is YES. I will need to because I was going to ask if you could vote for my blog in the PARENTS magazine blog awards. I figure I will need to find a way to be compensated for my time so I can quit a job! So go to

By Funniest Mom Blog

I think.....I feel like I fell off the track as of late, but plan to get back on...starting tomorrow! I have had a crazy day and Stella is up again....sleep training came to a screeching halt while we were away. Figures. And now we have another trip in 7 days. Driving this time. Wouldn't it be funny if that trip ends up being the worst?

You've said it all

Feeling incredibly blessed....
It is not often in our lives that we are absolutely enveloped in LOVE and for now, I am. I am going to wallow in the blessings that have so generously been poured over me in these last several months. I am going to take these precious moments and sit with them and see what they have to offer. I will go forward knowing that with new surroundings come new experiences and new experiences bring learning and growth. It is time to thrive! On to Lofty Pines!!!

Expect the best?

We are preparing for a long trip with the girls. There is a lot to do. It is summer and everyone is hot and travelling. I have been planning and plotting every step of this journey like I am the one in charge. I am packing in my head every night and day to be sure that we don't forget ANYTHING. I am cleaning the house so we don't come home to a disaster. I am a tea kettle that is about to scream. I am a rolling boil.
I am 32. I have lived long enough to have gathered some wisdom regarding expectations. This became abundantly clear when Pete and I were first married. The weekend before my birthday was a dream. Pete rented a cabin in the woods. We played games, we ate like kings, and celebrated like David Hasselhoff. On my actual birthday a few days after we arrived back in reality I was devastated because Pete didn't do anything special for me. The nerve! I had expected him to show up at my work on a white stallion and wisk me away to a romantic lunch with champagne and roses. I couldn't believe that he didn't know that he was suppose to do that! The next few days were wonderful as you can imagine. When the dust had settled and we were speaking again it became clear that my expectations were a bit excessive. Now we have learned that when our life is active and we have multiple events on the horizon to check in with each other and ask,"expectations?" It is a joke of course, but expectations can be the undoing of many wonderful and joyous occasions.
In my cleaning and packing binge that I have been on for the last few days, I have "expected"everyone in this house to be aware of my plan. I have expected Lily to behave and help. I have expected Stella to sleep and eat while I am busybusybusy cleaningpackingcleaningpacking. I have expected Pete to feed off my nervous energy and get with the program. I have been disapointed. Why? Expectations. I should learn to expect everyone and everything to fall apart when it absolutely cannot. I have been a mommy long enough to know that. So why, then, have I not made this belief a part of my brain chemistry? Why do I continue to strive for perfection and order? Expectations, control, and denial. I must strive for acceptance and learn to roll with the jokes that God is throwing at me everyday. In a blog post from a while back I addressed a question from Power Thoughts about how I believe my relationship with God is. My answer today is that I feel that he is a practical joker and is laughing everytime I try to exert some control over events yet to transpire. You know why? Because I AM NOT IN CONTROL of what is going to happen!!! I can be prepared, but over-preparation will make me crazy. I can be ready, but expecting everyone and everything to fall into my plan will only lead to disapointment and failure. Disapointment and failure that I have created myself by creating my unreachable expectations. And round and round we go with this self-defeating pattern!! How many times must we learn something before we begin to live it?
We are flying with Stella"Idon'tknowhowtostopmoving"Ann in a few days. I am expecting the absolute worst. I am having shirts made that say "We hate flying with babies too" in big block letters. I am creating a sign that reads "We apologize for our daughter sounding like a fire alarm." I have called the airline to warn them that we are coming and to ask that they seat us next to the luggage and the jet-setting designer pets. Negative Expectations = Positive Results? I am afraid this all we can do for now!

Happy and Safe Travels to all!

It starts with FEAR

What would your life be like free of fear?

Stable and consistant. Fear drives my every thought, even still, even more now because I know what it is like to have less fear and more faith. Fear-free Me would be sure of everything and more daring. Fear-free Me would never worry or have doubt. Fear-free Me would never be insecure when friends didn't call me back right away or when I was in a new group of people. Fear-free Me would be happy always. Fear-free Me would be well rested.

Is fear causing you to live a safe but boring life?

This is all relative. I hear from different branches of our family tree about how chaotic our life is. We have had our moments of no-fear and have done miraculous things. As far as writing goes, absolutely YES I am safe but boring. As far as raising the girls, absolutely YES. I won't take them anywhere that they may be in danger of being taken. This is a huge driving fear in my life. As far as giving away trust, Absolutely YES, safe and boring as I hoard the trust that I could choose to so freely give away.

How can I not let fear control me?

I have been taught to equate fear with caution. You can be cautious and fearless. I am working on this, but I have lost my momentum. Should I start over? My goal was to finish this and now I am all over the map. I honestly do not kow how to loose my fear leash. I must take this to the Lord in prayer. Fear is what holds my body together. If I let it go, I may fall apart. If I lose my fear edge, the good Lord may decide to take me home.
Have faith, not fear. This is scary.

Am I running from anything in my life?

I suppose I am running from my personal history. Dude, I have the worst writers block in history!!! Will continue or edit or change