Back on the wagon

Happy New Times!
2011 went whirling, twirling by, crashing into the end of December. Suddenly, January is half-over and I am still wishing it was Christmas!
In my 32 years in this planet, life makes more sense. Our year was full of stretching, pushing, and growing into our lives. We made peace with our surroundings. We squeezed the life out of change and I am sad to put it to bed.
I know that the world keeps spinning and that calendars are man-made. January 1st is the same as January 16th. The sun went down on a day and crept up behind the mountains the next. I really just took a calendar off the wall and replaced it with a new fancier one. I would like to continue the momentum of 2011. I have looked at 2012 as a blank page...a page that can be colored by disaster or pain. It is not. It is nothing. It doesn't matter. I simply took a break at the end of 2011 because I needed it!
I will resume Power Thoughts because I NEED TO! I have found myself lost in fear again. Fear of silly things that may or may not come to pass. I have been worrying a lot. I need to reign in my basketcasiness.
I learned today that I have a nickname in a circle of friends that I love dearly, but have known for a short-time. They call me Waterfall on account of my many tears. My first reaction was to be offended...but then it became endearing. I am a weepy gal. God speaks to me that way. My heart is open to the human experience and if that makes me a Waterfall than so be it! May God Bless your New Year and make his face shine on all that you do! I would advise each and everyone of you to CHANGE THE THINGS that trouble you TODAY! What have you got to lose?

5 steps back

Life is chaotic and I am not sure it is suppose to be. We have become slaves to the bills we have to pay and slaves to our children that need our attention not only when they are awake, but when they wake at 30 minute intervals in the wee hours of the morning. I saw a promo for a show that Dr. Oz is going about Perimenopausal women. All the women that they show bear a striking resemblance to me lately. Would that make me perimenopausal? I have a new theory. The women yelling and screaming, really crying out for someone to listen the first time rather than when it has reached crisis mode is nothing more than a symptom of our workworkwork society. I know I am not alone in feeling that there just not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Our "family fun time" is limited to 5 min in the evening when Pete gets home from work and I am running out to one of my evening jobs. The days get swallowed up in a sea of tears and fights between my two girls. I am seeking pleasure, laughter, and enjoyment and I am coming up short. I know what fun and excitement are and maybe that is to my own peril. Our pastor says these are the "dark years" and I would have to agree.
Picture this: Hundreds of years ago our ancestors worked the land and made all their own food. They went where they needed to go and had time for each other. Their was stress to be sure, but this was a time before everything was an emergency, before technology gave us all ADD. Before every last bit of your existence was valued by how much money you make and when you pay your bills. I long for that time. I believe we went wrong somewhere. I would be exiled if I blamed the Women's Movement, but I do. I often say I would have lived better in the early 1900's, before women had the right to vote and everything went to hell!!! As women, we are better at most things, multi-tasking, nurturing, understanding the big picture, making things happen. I would not be surprised if God was more feminine than we give HIM credit for. God created life and so did I.
My nerves are shot, Stella's screaming sounds like a Pteradactyl on a megaphone. My circadian rhythm is waaay off and I don't sleep well and I don't sleep right. The wheels have come off and I am not sure when it happened. I need a vacation. Or maybe I am just Perimenopausal.