In an effort to get back to the purpose of this blog I am going to complete chapter 3 of Power Thoughts. Finally!
How can you demonstrate faith instead of fear?
Suspend disbelief. On my quest to positive thinking I have been amazed at the Lord's ability to make something from nothing. Months ago, I fell prey to some pretty serious post-partum depression. I have decided to embrace this diagnosis as I learned it is real and it happens...to the best of us.
Denial was large part of my problem. I didn't want to be the one with the issue. I didn't want to take medication to deal with life's naturally occuring hormonal imbalance after childbirth. I wanted to put on my armor of stress and worry and battle through the war in my head. It began to affect my body as well and I became concerned that there was more to worry and anxiety that I was experiencing. I read website after website trying to diagnose myself. I realized that I could answer yes to most of the symptoms that post-partum sufferers experience. Numbness? What does that mean? I felt like someone had shot novacaine into my veins and I couldn't feel myself. Really. Like when you go to the dentist for some serious work and they numb you. Then you leave and for the next several hours you pinch your cheeks trying to feel something, anything. That is how I felt for days on end. Every scenario that I played out in my head led to someone's death.
I had filled my plate with too many tasks and it was crumbling. I was empty and had nothing. With God's help I was able to see that I needed to rebuild my life. Months later, I am amazed at the changes that have occurred in our life since that dark time. I have to talk. I have to share. I have to write it out and get it out. I have to ask for help when I need it. If I don't ask, I cannot expect anyone to know what I need. It is okay to take care of yourself and to admit when you can't do EVERYTHING. We try so hard to accomplish a year's worth of work in a day. We drive and drive and drive ourselves crazy! This is lunacy!
On my way home from work yesterday I was (reluctantly) listening to a country station as there were only commercials on every other station (so thank you Boise for buying airtime!) I heard a song that I believe is called "Remind Me" by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood. In it, they sing about reminding each other of the love they once shared. The passion of the beginning of the relationship. It made me think about our life as of late and how it seems to have started out chaotic from the moment the wheels of the plane hit the tarmack in Boise. The plane vomitted us out into work, kids, laundry,stress,cleaning,and more work. I am grateful for our life and know that if it wasn't for the love that Pete and I shared in the beginning, we wouldn't have these things. Honestly though, it doesn't seem that we have had even a moment to have a conversation since we left for vacation. That is the downside to being a piece in this well oiled machine we call our life. If we let too much time pass, suddenly it will have been years and we will have to remind each other about the love that got us here in the first place. Let us all be conscious of working for the life and the love that we want and need. Suspend your disbelief and know that God wants a positive life for us all. Even more than we do. Once we let God truly take control, we get to sit back and watch what happens.
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